Not So Good Days!!!

Well as most of you know from reading I am bipolar and I am having a week worth of not so good days. It all started this past weekend when I woke up at 1:55 a.m. because I could not sleep. As I stated before this could be a sign of Mania, well yea, it has been showing its ugly face all week long.

Mania is defined as: A manifestation of bipolar disorder, characterized by profuse and rapidly changing ideas, exaggerated sexuality, gaiety, or irritability, and decreased sleep.

You see it all started Saturday morning. I should have known that my mood would be changing when I could not go back to sleep and then I did not feel sleepy at all that day, the next or a few days after that. Then I dropped a load of cash towards our new car without even putting in a second thought. Another sign of mania. I was not worried when I thought about it later because I did have the money in my possession but at the same time, this was something that I needed and should have thought through.

Sunday came and I was feeling a bit on edge. I normally I would not be bother by noise but it was getting under my skin really bad and I could feel me just getting in a mood that was not good, but I did not explode. I remain calm and I went throughout my day with a little tension build up thinking that if I got some sleep then I would feel better by morning. Not the case!

Monday through Thursday, I was very moody. I don't want to take phone calls and I don't really want anyone talking to me. I became very short with my husband and I was very confrontational and this attitude has been happening all week. I know when I am being this way, but there is nothing I can do about it. My meds are not at it best right now, because I have not been to my doctor in over 3 months. We were waiting on insurance because one 15 minute visit is $145 and I don't have that for a med check twice a month. SO, I will be making me an appointment for next week. To bad he is not in the office on Friday, or I would be in there tomorrow.

I try really hard not to let days like this get me down, but I know once mania is over I am headed for a great deal of depression. The thing is, I have rapid cycle episodes. I go from depression to mania in the course of a week, several times a week. It is harder to treat because there may be one day, I need my depression meds vs. my manic meds and vise verse. But, I just need an adjustment and thing will be fine until the next episode. It is hard on me because this might be grandparents weekend and I am not in the best of moods. I love having family around, but during this time, I don't want them around long.

We use to have a plan, when I was feel more of one way I would increase the dosage of one med or the other, but it changed because my meds changed. Now I am in a fog because I do not want to take to much of the wrong thing, it could have a worse side effect than just taking the normal meds. So I digress.

So please, if you read my blog, pray that I get so much needed sleep and a quick doctors appointment, because I need to get this fixed, before I drive my husband crazy.