Past Month: My Therapy

So as most of you all know, I told you that I was seeing a new Christian counselor and things were going great, until....dun, dun,dun, dun...I stopped going.

Not because I wanted too, but she was to expensive and not a really good fit. It was very difficult to really connect with her after leaving my last counselor of 8 years. She was good, however just not great. She was new to the game, younger than me and it was very hard to understand where she was coming from with her tactics.

I mean for what it was worth, I would recommend her to someone with not such severe need as bipolar disorder, but for a normal "I just need to talk to some one" sort of thing.

So for the past few months I have been trying to tough things out on my own. I must admit I have not been doing to well. I have been battling with unwanted thoughts of death, trust and fear, and a boat load of insecurity that I had to find someone whom I felt could get me back on the right track.

This process was really hard, because I wanted someone who was a christian and took my insurance, and getting the two was a long battle in the making. I finally found someone who I think will be a good fit. She is older than 28 and and have been in the business for 26+ years. Now the problem is she is so good that getting an appointment took forever and I have only seen her once this month.

I am going back to her next week, but the one visit I did have with her seem very promising. She specialize in so many of the issues I deal with being a bipolar person (racing though, suicide, extreme bouts of insecurity, anxiety and even weight management) and the list goes on.

I am so tired of going at this alone that I just pray to God for a reprieve from this battle. I know that only he can work that miracle that I have been waiting on. So for now, I look forward to every session I have with my new counselor and pray this this time it will be a good fit.

I know now that no matter how good I feel, I can never be without help. I can not go at this alone and I will never try to do it again. Just note, I have never stopped taking my medication or had thoughts to harm anyone, so I am a little better, but not totally able to walk this road unassisted.

I am a work in progress and for now only God knows the outcome. I can live with that because when He is in the picture usually it turns out pretty good. I believe He will carry me though this trail that I am going through right now and I will win.

Tomorrow.....The Move